5 situations when you should not save a marriage
When we get acquainted with a potential partner and start a relationship with him, it may seem to us that we have met “the very man”, our fate. The one with whom we are ready to spend the rest of our lives. However over time, it may turn out that the partner does not suit us at all. We lived in a fool’s paradise and plans for a fabulous future, but in the event we are completely different people. How could we know that this is a case in point?
If all attempts to establish relationships in the family fail, ask yourself: is it worth saving the marriage? We are accustomed to think that it is worth doing through every possible means, but what it can really lead to? Probably - to the point where suffering and dissatisfaction with family life will do nothing but grow. Here are several cases – wake-up calls when you probably should seriously consider divorce.
1. Life on the battlefield for “family preservation for the sake of the child”
By that we mean the situation when marriage reposes only on joint child parenthood, whilst the relationship between parents leaves much to be desired. Mounting pressure, mutual accusations, lack of common interests poison the home environment daily and lead to frequent quarrels and scandals. Both spouses suffer from unfulfilled family relationships and do not feel necessary and loved.
The child himself grows up in an unhealthy environment of constant conflicts of close people. This could lead to psychological problems at a young age and form an incorrect model of relationships in the future.
In such situations, it is extremely important to ask yourself if it is worth saving the marriage, and most importantly – why it should be done. If the only motivation is a child, then most likely it is not worth it: for him it’s nothing but suffering. Alternatively if both parents want to establish a relationship, it is important to switch from a “dad-mom” family model to a “husband-wife” model. When the tension goes away, there may appear a place for happiness and fresh feelings.
2. Loneliness in a relationship
The situation arises when one partner cannot rely on the second for the reason that he only stands together in “joy and wealth”, but not in “sickness and poverty”. You have to deal with all serious problems without assistance. The partner who avoids problems begins to complicate the second spouse's life even more over time, as taking through its paces. The emerging feeling of weakness gives rise to aggression and a desire to demonstrate your own superiority, the thing that is needed for that – a fail of a partner.
Is such relationship worth saving? In a family, it is important to pool resources to achieve common goals instead of using each other, stepping aside when something goes wrong.
3. The feeling that leaving will only make worse
It happens that the partner, a woman most commonly, is driven by fear that leaving will only make situation worse and provoke aggression and persecution. This fear is so intense that the victim remains a relationship with the abuser, trying to comply with all demands not to anger the hot-blooded spouse.
It is necessary to get out of a situation of domestic violence, but it is extremely important to take care of your own safety in advance.
A situation where one partner makes the other doubt his own mental health. Bit by bit, the pressure increases, and the victim begins to feel truly being “out of head”, whilst the aggressor put his inappropriate actions forward as normal. For example, a spouse may find out that the husband has a different family with children, joint plans and dreams. On top of all the situation of itself is unpleasant, in addition, the partner can assure his wife that the position of affaires is absolutely normal.
5. Sense of guilt and a constant feeling of owing something
Life throws families a variety of challenges. Some partners overcome any troubles and hardships steadfastly, grow and become stronger. Other times a tragic situation becomes a manipulation method: “If it weren’t for you, I would ... move to Australia for work, get promotion and equip children with a normal education.” A man is forced to think that a partner has refused something important for the sake of him, and now he is eternally indebted.
Enduring sense of guilt sap confidence, and life gradually becomes completely unbearable. Divorce in such a situation, as in previous cases, becomes the only way out, but it is better to prepare your own escape-route in advance, without waiting for the moment when the cup of endurance is full and you have to go "into the blue”.